It's 4am, I can not sleep. Why? because my brain is in overload exhaustion panic mode. I may be sitting completely still, but my heart is racing, my legs are shaking, my head feels pressure from all corners.
Why do I tell you these things, you may ask uncomfortably
I've said it before, I want to open up the subject about panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. There are so many mental issues that we could discuss, these four are just the ones that I have. They are the ones that I know most about, but I am always eager to learn about others.
Relate to me, and I will relate to you. We can help each other...It's nice not to be alone.
Tonight. The panic attack has taken over, immersed in irrational thoughts, shortness of breath occurs, making it hard to catch my breath so I can take a full one. My eyes tired, my mind exhausted but racing at the same time. What if, what if, what if......
What can help?
Personally, I called someone who I know is incredibly caring, kind, and always makes me believe every thing will be ok. Because guess what....everything will be ok....Sometimes my panic attacks last ten seconds, sometimes they will wax and wane in intensity over the course of hours.
I have lost people due to my attacks. At first everyone wants to help, they lend an ear, a caring heart...but then it gets old and too difficult and resentment occurs on both ends. It is exhausting trying to deal with someone who is having a panic attack. It's even more exhausting being the one who has them. After it passes, I literally look like I took a bunch of drugs that make me bleary eyed with slurred speech. It's like the soul is too tired to stand up so it just falls and the body has no choice but to fall with it.
The fact is, I can call, text, talk to someone to make me feel better, less alone, but I know, deep down, that this is completely my responsibility. I can cry, scream, pray, plead to people I care about, but like someone just said to me, I have a choice. Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have a choice with my panic attacks.
I can feel exhaustion sleep taking over. Please get some rest. The days are long, but not long enough, and it's hard to get everything done.